My second video collaboration with Rick Belden. Rick and I talk about “The Mother Wound” and how this form of attachment trauma dysfunctionally impacts adult personal and relational development. The unresolved psychological problems of the SLD (codependent) or narcissist mother significantly harms the emotional and social development of her children, who bring that harm/trauma forward into their adult lives. My Human Magnet Syndrome book addresses the impact on a person’s mother trauma on their choices for romantic partners and friends.
Rick is a highly talented coach specializing in adult problems caused by childhood trauma. Visit him at to schedule a session with him.
For more information on Ross Rosenberg’s book, The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap, and his other material on trauma recovery, SLD, SLDD, Self-Love Recovery, codependency, narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and gaslighting, go to Self-Love Recovery Institute (SLRI)
#healingmotherwound #attachmenttrauma #motherwoundhealing #abandonment
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Beautiful poem. Can feel!!!
Yes so this is a year old but can I just point out that mothers can be much more aggressive in every way than fathers itβs not all passive aggressive because female
What is SLD?
This all hits so deep, it's amazing. My narc mother left my narc father when I was a baby. He never bothered to see me or reach out again, she basically abandoned me at 8 to follow her bliss. Working full time, night school 4 to 5 nights per week until 10pm for 10 years. People fawned over how brave and amazing she was. No one noticed or cared that she had a child raising herself. I was like an adult by the time I was 9. Invisible unless she was yelling at me. I'm 50 and just figuring out the narc angle and went no contact with the whole messed up clan earlier this year. It's not always easy but it's so much better. Now my healing can really begin. Videos like these are invaluable to me and so many others.
You know, I had a narcissistic father. Itβs statistically a fact that more men are narcissists (clinically) than women. It really bothers me when I hear people zeroing in on their mothers and their father never gets mentioned. Your mother does not have more of an obligation to you than your father by virtue of gender. While your mother was doing whatever you think/feel she was doing to you, what was your father doing to her? What did her father do to her? What did her father do to her mother?
Thanks Rick,
You rock man
Dr Ross- do you have a coaching place for myself please? I'm unsure what the routine is for clients overseas? Caroline, Dingwall Scottish Highlands βπ»β€οΈπͺπ»ππ»π΄σ §σ ’σ ³σ £σ ΄σ Ώ
You are spot on with this lecture!
My Mom was the youngest of 4 children , born to a WWII veteran with a head injury and severe cPTSD with overlapping PTSD. This was my Maternal Grandfather and he was advised by his Dr. not to Marry, due to the severity of his Trauma. The environment was so horrific that 3 of My moms siblings (my aunts and uncle) experienced nervous breakdowns before the age of 18. They all suffered cPTSD with overlapping PTSD.
I was born to my parents first, I was 2 weeks overdue and had to be pulled with forceps from the birth canal. I sustained a large hematoma to the front top of my head, that took 6-8 weeks to resolve.
My Maternal grandmother suffered the loss of her mother at birth, and was raised by the housekeeper of my great aunt and uncle in China Maine. She had a wonderful childhood, and was brilliant have graduated from Boston University with a masters in early childhood education, but was ill equip to mother given that she was as a child herself. My Mom said she never felt as though my Grandmother could see her or hear her cries for help, as though she were on one side of very think glass with her hands on the glass seeing my grandmother and crying but my grandmother just smiled and told her everything would be OK, when it wasn't.-
My father was (and is still) a Vietnam Veteran with cPTSD (My Papa was cruel, harsh , condescending, insulting, physically disciplining and unavailable) with overlapping PTSD. I was born to two parents with severe trauma.
My mother has told me that when the Dr handed me to her, I immediately stiffened. She figured that I just didnt like her.
She also noticed that I would have periods of drawing my legs up to my stomach , while screaming and turning red with brief, intermittent periods of relaxation, for many hours.She called the Dr and he told her that I was having stomach aches.
I continued to experience these episodes about once a twice a year until the last time, only 5 days after my son was born, when I was 18. My appendix was gangrene and had to be removed immediately. The Dr was shocked that it hadn't burst during labor, as I was experiencing pain on the right during the delivery.
My mom got pregnant with my sister Tammy when I was only 12 weeks old and was extremely sick through the pregnancy; my Dad was in College and also worked. My My sister was born when I was 1 yr and 8 days old. I was separated from my mother for 2 weeks during the birth. I was told that when she returned and I saw her, I turned around and returned to my aunt who had been caring for me.
I've been told that I was a good baby as I spent long periods of time alone in crib and as long as I had my blanket (my moms pajamas tied together, of which I still have although I am now 49), I was ok-
She told me she recalls while sick, that I would cry for a long , long time and Dad was at work and she was violently ill and so she couldn't help me. When I eventually became hysterical, she would get to me to find I had loose stool up my back, in my diaper, (which by this point , was also saturated with urine and now cold. I was shivering violently and so hysterical , I was unable to breath in rythm.
My sister Tammy was so clingy when she was born that my mother did not have the time for me.
I was left unattended at 8 months old and suffered a broken color bone when I climbed out of my high chair and fell onto the floor.
I suffered a broken wrist at 6 yrs old, when I fell down the basement stairs for which I was blamed for and yelled at and for which (although my mother was a nurse) my Father refused to take me to be seen at the Drs for three days and for which I was accused of lying. My mother finally insisted he take me to be seen and a fracture was found ; I was casted for 8 weeks.
My Dad suffered depression and raised my sisters and I with the leather strap and outbursts of intense rage when we had misbehaved. But it was difficult to really ever know what would or wouldn't upset him, because one day we could be playing with the bricks outside and he walked by and said nothing and the next day do the same thing and be blasted and put into our room. When I was 10, they divorced, we moved (again, I've never lived anywhere for longer than 3 years) and Dad kept the house . My mom moved in with a raging alcoholic, married and for 3 years, my sisters and I moved in and out every 6 months when there was a fight and then a makeup between them.
This was the year that I was violated by my step brother and the same year I was diagnosed with scoliosis. My sister told my grandmother, My grandmother told my mother, my mother told my step father and all her friends and we still ended up moving back in to the same house where I witnessed my sister be violated by the step grandfather.
I struggled in school, often found staring out the window with several prompts to snap me back into focus. Time was a difficult concept to learn on the clock with hands. I struggled with constipation (from a baby) and recall struggling in the bathroom stall because it was taking to long and I was going to get to class late.I felt alone.
The teachers told my Mom I was a sweet girl, but not collage material. (After 12 years of hard work, I am now one class from my associates degree in Health sciences and 5 away from my RN)
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At 12 I had become upset about something and while both parents were there, I screamed and yelled, (rage) and cried to struggle to make my point and be heard. My Dad said there is something wrong with me.
To this very day, (and I do put out a disclaimer) if I am yelled at for any length of time, I will eventually yell back with this same rage (vocal rage, not physical) but it is so traumatic for the other person, that it often ends the relationship. I am averaging about 1-2 years between being pushed to this point.
I have been married twice, two of my fiancees died violent deaths as a result of their trauma filled addicted lifestyles and I am unable to keep a relationship. The men I get involved with are most commonly alcoholic narcissists with a SUD. I match all the criteria for cPTSD, co-dependent, with attachment and emotional dis-regulation.
My Dad to this day says that I don't listen, I don't pay attention when hes telling me something, I repeat my mistakes over and over again, why don't I learn.
To this day, If I don't live up to their expectations I am ostracized-(blatantly by my mother, sisters aunts and uncles) by my Dad, through cruel situation; inviting me to come for dinner and others show up that he also invited and I am not included in the conversation, I'm cut off, ignored, spoken over as though I'm not there etc)-
My mom scolded me at 18, when I turned and froze, instead of run to my son when I could see him standing on the high chair tray.
When I spooked my cousin while playing at 10, I was told I was evil.
When I told my sister to take her doll to the affair, I was told I was evil.
If I cried after I was spanked, I was spanked for crying.If I cried at all I was threatened to be spanked if I didn't stop.
My son was diagnosed with the severest cPTSD that the clinicians had ever witnessed in an adolescent, since that time, he has been diagnosed with almost every other form of MI-
That poem is just brilliant! I agree! Thank you so much for sharing that with us!
For about 20 years I haven't had any interaction with my mother. I hate it when people tell me "She's still a person, I shouldn't be so harsh". I won't sacrifice my life for another person's bad behaviour, just for the sake because they are called a parent. Mother's should be nuturers not tormentors.