Lindsey Ellison is one of the best relationship coaches I know. She has superb background and skills with codependency/Self-Love Deficit Disorder and Narcissistic Abuse, among many other specialties. As the viewer will notice, talking with her is effortless and fun.
In this video we talk about various topics about healthy dating, setting healthy and effective boundaries, and building a self-love abundant future (opposite of Self-Love Deficiency).
We also talk about:
– Dating and relationships with a narcissist
– Human Magnet Syndrome
– Narcissistic addiction
– How to find healthy love after being with a narcissist
– Healthy boundaries in a relationship
– How to spot a narcissist and stop repeating the pattern
More information about Lindsey can be found:
More information about Ross Rosenberg services, educational and self-help resources can be found at or
Ross Rosenberg M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT, is the owner of Self-Love Recovery Institute. He is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness and author. Ross is known globally for his expertise in codependency (Self-Love Deficit Disorder™), Pathological Narcissism, Narcissistic Abuse and Trauma Treatment. His book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome” sold over 110,000 copies and are translated into nine languages. Ross’s YouTube channel has amassed over 17million video views and 185K subscribers. He is a keynote speaker and educator who has presented educational workshops in 30 States/70 cities and abroad. Ross has been regularly featured on national TV and radio.
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Very true that as a co-dep you tend to attract a partner that resembles the parent that wounded you the most and this can be especially tricky to see when you are dealing with a covert narc because often 1st time Co-deps do not even realize their parent was also a covert narc. And as in my case it took 17 years of marriage to finally discover what was happening because as a covert narc even tho my husband employed the same manipulative games and underhanded abuse as my mother he also reverse projected and imitated my emotionally unavailable father of which I had unknowingly built and placed on an infallible pedestal and considered an admirable and desirable model to hold the men I dated up to. The abuse, punishment and neglect was comfortable and felt completely normal, all while perfectly disguising his false self as a person Id never suspect.
anyone else think Ross is a hottie?
I loved every word. I do think that pain is very addictive and is very hard to get out of that victim role
Wait, didn’t you do a video on finding a therapist if you need help and not life coaches. Life coaches are not qualified and can be quite dangerous to your mental health according to that video. Isn’t that what you were saying? I’m confused by you. Now you are promoting a life coach? Hopefully you will clarify this rather then delete my comment as I’m truly perplexed.
Sometimes you just come across a con artist. This idea that people are magnets to these abusers is really misplaced and even dangerous to the one abused. It may be true for some, but def not all.
Hi Ross, when you study and learn about Self-Love Deficit Disorder, a miracle happens, as you learn to embrace, and enjoy your own company. You began to realize, the hole that you once felt in your heart and soul is no longer there. You feel complete, even when you are in a crowd of strangers, you might be alone, but never lonely. You feel fulfilled just being. There is no need to find anyone. No one can hurt you, because you do not give anyone the power to hurt you. When someone comes into your life it's lovely, but if they choose to leave it's easy to say, I understand, take care of yourself, and have a healthy life. Our journey together was quite the ride. There is no fear of loneliness (internal abandonment), just sorrow (external sadness- for the situation), for what could have been. There is no unbearable pain of loss, just acceptance to a disappointing fact. What will be, will be. As you leave, your love of self fills you consciously and wholeheartedly, as your divine Being says you are Enough. You are able to have the visions of dancing with joy and freedom inside, as a new adventure awaits, as one door closes, and the other door opens. Feeling happy and content that you now have the strength and wholeness to walk away wishing them wellness, as your heart and soul is filled with grace and dignity. I will be 73 years old and my husband will be 78 we have been married for 51 years and dated for 5 years, death awaits us. When one passes, we will remember the good times, we will be filled with great memories. My son-in-law passed away at 40 years old, it will be a year February 4, 2019. He went to bed on Saturday night and my daughter found him gone Sunday morning lying beside her from sleep apnea, no warning. They are both professionals but chose to live with us. For nineteen years he was a part of our lives every day, they had one son who will be sixteen this year. We all suffered from separation anxiety, in our own ways, but not with pain and anger, but with tears of love for all the wonderful sacred times we had together and the acceptance that we were blessed. We all had no choice, but to accept graciously. We had to accept, what will be, will be.
So much great advice in this video! Thank you Lindsey and Ross for this. I especially liked the concepts of addition to pain (and neuro-plastic solutions) and the false power of anger. Wow, those really hit home for stages I've been through personally! Thank you.
Something I'd like to add to the comments discussion:
I strive towards living a life that is in alignment with having a healthy compassion and kindness for my fellow humans, and showing it often. What I have experienced to be true, is that this genuine (non-binding) kindness is also like catnip to emotional abusers (in a way similar to Self Love Deficiency).
Because I have done alot of the work to build self love, I am able to rebuff the abusers attacks when they begin, which is typically 6-12 weeks into any (and every) relationship…. and in short order I leave the relationship because it has revealed itself to be unhealthy. BUT HERE'S MY ISSUE WITH THIS APPROACH: I am in a constant cycle of 2-3 month failed relationships, with 2-3 month break periods in between. I don't think this is a preferable way to live a romantic life, even though I am doing the work of standing up for myself appropriately. Because I have a generous and kind heart (not to win approval, but because it feels natural to be kind for the mere sake of being kind), I keep attracting abusers.
After watching your video I had an idea: I am eschewing the idea of waiting for the men to approach me. Going forward, I am going to research and figure out who I want, and approach him. No more entertaining non-pre-qualified candidates! This is a huge paradigm flip for me: I was trained to believe that the man MUST initially pursue the woman for a relationship to be successful. But, I've got more years of evidence of that fallacy than I care to admit.
Right now, I'm immersed in too many projects of my own to date, but when I'm ready, I'm going to take the approach of pre-vetting any dating prospects before the first outing is even scheduled. 🙂
If either of you do a video on how to pre-vet dating candidates to learn if they are healthy or not, that would be wonderful!! Again, thank you to you both for this excellent video.
Ir supiese You do they intervies
you two should get together for real
He interups her all the time, and never lets her finish. This conversation made me irritated.