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Hot hatches have a major problem on their hands. Perhaps one they will not be able to overcome. Ever. This is the plot:
You are in your late twenties or early thirties, and you want something mad, rowdy, and catchy for yourself, but, as usual, the budget is a bit tight. A hot hatch seems to be the perfect fit for your dream Sunday morning stint in the mountains (or the occasional illegal drag race in the middle of the night down in Mexico.) A lot of “hothatchness” now resides in the 300 horsepower range, can hit 60 mph in low 5 sec (some even quicker) and have features with strange names like torque vectoring, damper control, dual-axis struts, and titanium exhausts.
Perfect!
You’ll buy one and be happy for a short while. However, after you actually find out that you simply do not have the time to visit twisties in the mountains (or will ever go down to Mexico, for that matter,) a strange thing will happen. The Audi SQ5 diesel SUV with a mildly reprogrammed ECU will line up next to you. Behind its wheel sits a middle-aged man with a smirk on his face, eager to impress whoever sits next to him. Your hatch and your heart are ready to rumble.
Launch control on, sweaty palms on the steering wheel, and eyes on the traffic light.
Let’s go!
Plot twist:
The black diesel SQ5 TDI SUV will smoke you, literally and figuratively. You’ll try to reason with the situation driving in your hot hatch with massive exhausts, shouty spoilers, and red paint job, but deep down you will have one thought, and one thought only – “WTF am I doing with my life?”
Do you not think this is a problem? Just take a look at how many overpowered SUVs are sold every year!
Now, this may not be the only reason why hot hatches are going overboard with power, technology, and, ultimately, price, but it is a part of it. Apart from being fast, they need to be cool or incredible in some [expensive] way and offer something more than just being fast.
These are all hot hatches with engines developing 300 horsepower or more. They were all made to liven up your life before someone with an SQ5, or its likeness takes it away from you in 5 seconds. Or less.
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